November 1, 2005

• so i was on the upper deck at the driving range with mr. woo sunday and
  we were totally sucking, hitting all kinds of crap shots. behind me i
  hear this guy go “rooooarrrr” and then “thump” and look behind me and i
  see some guy laying on the deck.  i was like “oh man this guy
  takes this game waaaay too serious doing kamakazee dives into benches”
  so i hit a few more balls and realize the guy isn’t moving.  then
  woo and i start hearing weird animal like noises… and we’re like
  “hmmm craaazy guy…” but then eventually we’re like “hmmm somethings
  not quite right…” so we go over to him and he’s convulsing eyes
  rolled back into his head foaming at the mouth all like crazy zombie
  style and he’s like damn near biting his tongue off… we approach and
  we’re like “umm are u alright” and his eyes roll back to look at us…
  but it’s a distinctly vacant stare… the kind of glazed over other
  worldly anasthetic stare all my piggies made after i’d shot them up in
  the ass with a buncha ketamine and xylacine…

  so we’re like “dooo dooo this guys having a seizure!” and he’s foaming
  at the mouth so much he’s like starting to choke on his own foamy
  spit… so we’re like “hey! lets roll him over into left lateral
  recumbent!” then we like hold him down so he doesn’t bang his shit so
  much and his girlfriend comes running back going “ooooh my god!!!” and
  then the paramedics show up in like 3 minutes flat right when the guys
  starting to snap out of it… and he’s like “whoa… what’s going
  on?”  lucky he didn’t lunge the other way off the second story
  deck.

  so then i go back to hitting, and like i hit waaay better… just goes
  to a show… a good seizure now and then can be exactly what ya need to
  get yerself outta a golf funk.  i was like “gee that’s cool, i’ve
  never had a seizure.”

  so anyway, apparently the guy had a bad back and the doctor prescribed
  ultram (tramadol) ironically the very first thing online about the drug
  on yahoo! health is:

  “What is the most important information I should know about tramadol?

  Seizures have been reported as a rare side effect of treatment with tramadol. The risk of
  seizures may be increased in patients who take more than the prescribed dose, have a history of
  seizures or epilepsy, have head trauma, have a metabolic disorder, have a central nervous system
  infection, are experiencing alcohol or drug withdrawal, or are taking certain medications. Talk to your
  doctor about factors that may increase the risk of seizures during treatment.”

  so um i think like he started having a seizure then he banged his
  head reeeal hard on the bench when he fell, multiplying the effects…
  but um wow “what’s the most important thing i should know about
  tramadol?- “seizures.”  wow… now that’s an understatement.

  • 1:58 am
  • 2 Comments